New Year

I quietly snuck the New Year in,
With the sweetest little kiss.
I smile and pretend I'm happy,
But doubts will cloud my bliss.

True love is what I seek to find,
But my heart says "You will lose!"
"Your heart will just get stomped on,
With a beat up pair of shoes."

I'm labeled with a failing term,
I hate the words "ex wife".
I come with lots of baggage,
Memoirs of my life.

It will take a special kind of man,
To break through all my walls.
My heart is shady, full of doubt.
I'm terrified to fall.

I don't mean to be like this,
I want to let you stay.
I find my mind will twist your words,
So I can push away.

I want so badly to be loved,
But I'm so damn sensitive.
I always seem to mess things up,
Without knowing what I did.

I pretend I'm happy for the year,
When I really want to cry.
Another 365 days of hell?
I think I'd rather die!

~TRH