Christmas Church Service

The boys attended their first Christmas Church Service last night. Aside from it being an evening service, and them being tired as well as a transition day between Mom and Dads house, they enjoyed it. It was a great service. Grammy Joyce joined us.

Elf Antics

We welcomed our Elf on the Shelf to the family this year. His name is Nelson. He keeps a good eye on the boys but occasionally gets distracted.

Some Pre-Christmas cuteness!

Here are some pictures of the most handsome guys I know gearing up for their favorite Holiday!!

The Faces of Imagination

He's is his favorite place... A faraway land.

Marry Me

"Will you marry me?" Says she.
"No I won't do that!" Says he.

When your life hits stale mate,
And you're stuck within a rut
Do you follow what your brain says?
Or the feeling in your gut?

When you love him so intensely,
And its marriage you that crave,
He won't budge a single inch,
Is it worth trying hard to save?

He says a ring will be just swell,
And he will gladly say "you're mine",
but marriage just is not for him,
He'll never sign that line.

His words are like a sucker punch.
Where do we go from here?
It makes me doubt he plans to stay,
And losing him I fear.

I want a husband, not a "friend".
I need commitment in my life.
My stomach is all up in knots.
I will never be his wife.

Tiny tears stream down my face,
My heart and mind at war.
Will this always be a thorn,
Or will it be just like before?

I don't know much but this I do,
A marriage I desire.
I could say that I would go without,
But then I'd be a liar.

Garrett is 10!

Ten years ago, I had no clue,
How amazing life could be.
I waddled to the hospital,
A great big mom to be.

30 hours later, 
Our child was brand new.
We called him Garrett Tyler,
And we dressed him up in blue.

He started growing quickly,
Much to my dismay.
He turned into a fine young boy,
Getting bigger every day.

Soon he had a brother,
And he took this role to heart.
Teaching him the tricks and trades,
They were best friends from the start.

Fast forward through those early years,
A decade old at last..
I could not love you more my son,
All my dreams you have surpassed.

My wish for you as life goes on,
Is to seek your hearts desire.
Nothing else can hold you back,
Once you ignite the fire.

Remember all the days ahead,
You are amazing Son.
Choose what makes you happy.
Your life has just begun.

Happy 10th Birthday Garrett!!

Love,
         Mom

Summer Fun

Some random photos from our busy summer. My 2 handsome loves who are the reason I keep going, the reason I write and well the reason I do everything, and the man that has taught me that I can  indeed love like I've never been hurt... the one and only joshyp. And me... :) living, loving, and writing.

Rainy Day Fishing

     
The weather has been just plain dreary lately. Just rainy and cold. It all seems so depressing, but then there is him. The lover of nature, and weather, and all sorts of things that fall by the wayside of normalcy. He fascinates me. He pushes me to step outside my comfort zone and explore the things I would normally pass by.
       
We load up the fishing gear as the rain pours gently upon our heads. Its cold but slightly refreshing. At least we wore jackets this time. He thought of me as we prepared to leave and loaded up the big umbrella as well. We don't have a whole lot of time to spend at the Pond, but he is a man who appreciates every minute he can spend doing the things he loves. Fishing is one of his favorites.
      
We have been prepping for a couple months now, carefully selecting rods, reels, lures, line and gear. We drive and chat as we head to the spot. This another of our favorite things, and how we often spend quality time. I love his stories of his wild teenage years, and what all the different places he takes me to mean to him.
      
We arrive at the Pond with an hour to fish. I pull out the umbrella as we head along the waters edge. My feet get wet, and I sigh a little. I hate wet feet. I stand behind him, watching. He casts his pole gracefully into the water, and he slowly reels it in. He's using one of his favorite lures. I carefully watch him as the casting scenerio repeats a few times and we move along to a different spot. The rain is heavy. The cold water seeps further into my shoes. I relax this time, stepping a little heavier. After a moment my feet are cold and soaked. I look at him, blissfully casting his rod out into the water. His face is peaceful. He's right at home, oblivious to the cold rain. I forget about my wet feet as I watch the water run off his broad, masculine shoulders. I wonder if he knows how handsome he really is.
      
These are the moments that I am most thankful for. The moments where the simplest of things just sweep you off your feet. His deep love of nature and his ability to push all of lifes norms to the side and purely be himself are a few of the things I absolutely love most about him. I won't lie, at times it also drives me insane because it often means letting him do his own thing, and giving him his space. It often makes me a bit uncomfortable when he forces me out of my comfort zone (as it should). It also pushes me a little closer to the ultimate freedoms. The freedom to be who I truly am, and the freedom of exploration, imagination, creativity and expression. It has been said that life begins where your comfort zone ends.
      
I slowly let in my rain soaked umbrella, and assess the water damage on my pants and shoes. As I slip into the warm, dry car I glance back at him as he loads his gear up. He is truly one of a kind, one of lifes precious treasures, and there it happens yet again...

I fall in love with him all over again.

Karma

I constantly go out of my way for people,
Who never do the same for me.
When will I just open my eyes?
Its time for me to see.

I dont need you, or you and you.
You only bring me down.
You say you love me and that we're close,
But then you watch me drown.

Sink or swim? I will be ok.
I don't need all this sorrow.
I have the tools inside of me,
To pick back up and go.

I have been through hell and back,
I know how it feels to lose.
To let you bring me down again,
Is not the path I choose.

I don't need my family,
Or my so called friends.
All I need are my two boys,
They'll love me to the end.

It makes me sad to see just how,
Selfish ya'll really are.
I pray that soon you realize
That you'll never get too far.

Life is a vicious circle,
And you will get just what you give.
So remember when your all alone,
This is how you chose to live.

Storm Clouds

Do you hear what I hear?
A bird chirps loud but sweetly.
The wind is blowing calm and brisk,
And the leaves are swaying neatly.

The clouds roll in, the sky gets dark.
I hurry up my pace.
A single raindrop trickles down,
And splashes on my face.

One by one, they gently fall
From the storm clouds over head.
I feel the urge to cover up,
For storms we're taught to dread.

One moment the sun is shining,
And the day could not be better.
How quickly that all changes,
And a storm we have to weather.

Our instict says that storms are bad,
And will hurt us if we stay,
But storms are needed to survive.
They don't happen every day.

With every storm we make it through,
We learn a precious thing.
About our strength and inner truth,
Oh the lessons it will bring!

I close my eyes and feel the rain,
I raise my arms up high.
The water drips all over me,
As it pours down from the sky.

I refuse to let it get me down,
This storm I will get through.
The clouds will go, the rain will stop,
And I will be renewed.

There are storms in life we can't avoid,
And some will bring us pain,
So find your strength and open up.
Start dancing in the rain.

Lullabye, My Sweet.

Lullabye, my sweetest one,
Close your eyes, this day is done.
Be proud of what you did today,
You loved me in your special way.

Lullabye, I'm sleepy too,
Lay my head down next to you.
I will close my eyes and rest,
And in your arms is always best.

Lullabye, my gentle friend,
Its time to let the worries end.
I am beside you and hold you close.
We'll walk whatever path life chose.

Lullabye, my lover true.
I long to be your baby blue,
But being blue just isnt right,
Someday I hope I'm wearing white.

My dreams are here and I must sleep,
In my heart, our love I keep.
The day may end, but thats okay.
Tomorrow is a brand new day.

I feel you kiss my face so sweet.
My heart decides to skip a beat.
Lullabye, my sweetest one.
This dream, Our life has just begun.

Arms

Your arms are my escape from fear,
They are my favorite place...
You sweep me up inside of them,
My heartbeat start to race 

I bury my face into your scent,
It travels in me deep,
My heart slows down, I close my eyes,
And slowly drift asleep.

I am in the safest place I know,
Where no fear or pain can reach me,
I can relax, and breathe relief,
And dream of what we will be.

I trust your arms to hold my soul,
And envelope my tender heart,
And walk beside me in my dreams,
Where we'll never drift apart.

Please know how much I love you,
Even when its rough.
Just wrap me up within your arms,
You'll always be enough.

Where Does Happiness Come From??

Where does happiness come from?

I want to be happy, so where should I look?
Is happiness found on a page in a book?
Is happiness felt or can it be seen?
Does it ever come on a digital screen?
Will I be happy with a safe full of money?
Or if you tell me a joke that is funny?
Where should my quest for "happy" begin?
Is it possible that I can find it within?
Can I make myself happy and love who I am?
Maybe true happiness isn't from glam...
Maybe it comes from just being kind,
And loving myself, my body, my mind.
So many things make me feel happiness,
But true inner peace is a feeling thats bliss.
Loving myself builds an unbreakable bond.
There I find strength to pick up and move on.
Learning to love myself is a tough row to hoe.
Somedays it seems struggles are all that I know. Happiness is what I ultimately seek,
In a book, in my heart, or a kiss on my cheek.
It starts from within, but I keep reaching ahead,
To find my fulfillment in the life I have lead.
When my soul flies away and my spirit is free,
My loved ones will remember a happier me.

I Wish...

I wish

I wish I may I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight,

My wish is simple, my wish is true.
I wish for love, for me and you.

I wish to be your sweetest girl,
To spin your heart into a whirl.

To have you be with me for real,
To show the world just how we feel.

I fall more in love each time we kiss,
And when your gone, your touch I miss.

I want to sleep within your arms,
Warm and peaceful, safe from harm.

My life has been a crazy mess,
I look at you and see I'm blessed.

You must have been sent from above,
Before you came, I twisted love.

Each one before you, a painful past...
My wish is for you, please be my last.

His Eyes

His eyes, they're so mysterious.
So mythical... So deep.
I find myself entranced in them
And the secrets that they keep.

They're mostly blue but I can see,
A little grey within.
He closes them when he kisses me,
And its probably a good thing.

They have a special power,
Just like a hypno swirl.
And when I look deep into them,
I become a lovestruck girl.

My stomach flips with butterflies,
My body trembles for his touch,
My knees get weak, and I can see,
His eyes, they have me clutched.

I patiently anticipate,
His fingers on my skin.
I breathe in deeply, hold it tight,
He is the sweetest of my sins.

If Only You Knew

If only you knew, how often my thoughts turn to you.
How your smile is so sweet, and all that you do.
Sometimes I wonder what you see in me,
When I feel like I'm broken, like an uprooted tree.
You tell me Im beautiful, those words never heard...
You love me for me, even though Im a nerd.  :)
You make me feel special, like you want me around.
You tell me Im strong, and that I make you proud.
I'm not used to this kindness, but thats who you are.
My sweet, kindred spirit, my bright shining star.
I hope you know that your words mean the world,
And when Im with you, Im the happiest girl....

I love you Buggy!

Some Days...

Some days are just too much.
My anger consumes me whole.
I'm left alone to ponder
The hatred in my soul.

Divorce has been my poison,
For almost 2 whole years.
It eats away my kindness.
It fills my heart with fears.

I hate the feeling of bitterness,
That overshadows all my joy.
I feel like such a loser,
Like an old, discarded toy.

I want to find someone,
Who will help me to unpack,
All the cooped up baggage,
And build the hope I lack.

Some days are just too much to bear,
And I take it out on him.
He deserves much better then I give,
But he still goes on a limb.

I wonder what he sees in me.
What could possibly attract,
Such a gorgeous, soulful man
To a girl who's just a wreck?

Maybe I will never know,
But I'm thankful that he's here.
My life is just so painful,
Until he wipes my tears.

~TRH

Pheromonal Wave...

Your sweet lingers,
As it's sits upon my lip.
My heart beats all a flutter,
My mind begins to trip.
I take a breath and hold it tight,
And gather your scent within.
Close my eyes, I'm in a trance,
As I slowly breathe again.
A peaceful ache comes over me,
And the only thing I crave
Is another giant, calming breath,
A pheromonal wave...
It's like a drug addiction,
Your scent my stimuli.
A perfect, happy feeling,
The sweetest kind of high.
I've only ever felt this way,
One other time before.
Half my life spent hooked on him,
But now that loves no more.
I never thought anothers scent
Would debilitate me this way.
Now I see that I was wrong.
Your scent, it makes me fray.
Your smell alone will leave me weak,
But combine it with your kiss,
And wrap your arms around me...
My brain releases bliss!
You're the sweetest man I know,
So easy on my eyes.
I want to call you "Baby",
I need no other guys!
Smooch You JoshyP!

~TRH

The Strong One... (Strength)

Somedays you're just so mean to me,
I really don't know why.
I try my best to make the peace
But you love it when I cry.

My life is getting better,
I met the sweetest man.
I know you will be bitter,
And as difficult as you can.

You seem to love to see me fail,
But not this time you see.
You say you're happy, and you've moved on,
But I believe you do deceive.

You can cut me down and try to dig real deep,
But I will surely persevere,
You have no place left in my heart,
A real man's drawing near.

Instead of getting angry at you,
I know have sympathy.
I once saw you as a strong man,
But the strong one here is me!

~TRH

New Year

I quietly snuck the New Year in,
With the sweetest little kiss.
I smile and pretend I'm happy,
But doubts will cloud my bliss.

True love is what I seek to find,
But my heart says "You will lose!"
"Your heart will just get stomped on,
With a beat up pair of shoes."

I'm labeled with a failing term,
I hate the words "ex wife".
I come with lots of baggage,
Memoirs of my life.

It will take a special kind of man,
To break through all my walls.
My heart is shady, full of doubt.
I'm terrified to fall.

I don't mean to be like this,
I want to let you stay.
I find my mind will twist your words,
So I can push away.

I want so badly to be loved,
But I'm so damn sensitive.
I always seem to mess things up,
Without knowing what I did.

I pretend I'm happy for the year,
When I really want to cry.
Another 365 days of hell?
I think I'd rather die!

~TRH

Nerds

For JNP,

I found myself a nerd like me,
He's cute and smart and shy.
He makes me laugh, we talk all night,
As the hours whizz right by.

The conversations can't be beat,
He knows so much to teach.
I sit there listening closely,
Sucking knowledge like a leach.

I watch him so contently,
He loves to show me things.
My brain craves stimulation,
And that's just what he brings.

I always wanted me a nerd,
A boy so smart and true.
An intellectual to connect with,
The way I have with you.

Thank you Josh, for being there,
And feeding knowledge to my soul,
And letting me just be myself,
You make me feel so whole.

I hope I do the same for you,
And regardless of whats to come,
We've forged a quirky, nerdy bond
That's priceless and it's fun!

~TRH